A.E.I.O.U

People come and go, for those who stay, they stay, for those who don't, the remembrance is there, time goes by, say goodbye to yesterday coz a new day has come and it's truly a new beginning. Welcome back the spirit. We are new men altogether.

Happy AildilAdha, we enlighten the spirit of sacrifice. Whatever sacrifice that has been made in life, believe that it's worth it.

This is a final piece from the last page of the chapter, and a new chapter is about to begin. Until next time, keep the fire untouched.

From heart,
IzzY

Why I feel like im losing interest to talk..? Dunno whether its a good thing or a bad thing. SIgh..

Everything has been going wrong this semester.. sigh.. Serve me right for my sins n mistakes. Anyway, all the best for exam to everyone! me too.. T.T

Tak suke this sem. But, yeh, there must be something underlying.

I am IZULMAN

It has been a long time this blog was left untouched. I opened it time by time, but never wrote anything. No intention. Until last night I reckoned I changed myself this semester for something that is not really me. I stopped blogging, stop expressing, stop talking, n stop socializing. A change that shadows myself that people used to know.

I wondered why I wanted to change so much. O maybe I was just tired being myself. When last year I saw one of my friends who was so outspoken and happening suddenly changed herself, I believed everyone was taken aback. she used to be the light of the area where she was. No matter what happens, people like her are people who are meant to make others happy. But when she changed, everyone got bored coz she wasnt what she used to be. Thank GOD she changed to herself back now.

I guess it happened to me this semester. Yeh, trying so hard to change, but seems like the more you change the more you feel the same. I didn't realise I was in depression mode until I read the symptoms from Blueline website n since then I realised. Many things have happened esp this sem that pushed me into blue mood. No more intention to reflect n observe. No more intention for what I used to do in my life. n it affects my uni too.

I talked to my relatively new friend last night, a friend that's completely different than me coz he doesnt talk a lot n completely has different personality. We talked about how different we are. I came here for new things and challenges. He came here for peacefulness. How he said China government doesnt really care about his province in Guangzhou and how he has made the biggest sacrifice in his life. It made me ponder about the biggest sacrifice that I have ever made. Have I been sacrificing my personality to please everyone? in d end, I cant think a single big sacrifice I've made in life.

He made sacrifice to survive. To ensure his future secured, n his generation lives in peace. I came here for new life, new things to explore, fulfilling my childhood dream. Seems like we r totally different. I guess one of the reasons I tried to change was because of him. We are different then we try hard to make sure we can be friend by having some similarities. The more I know him, the more I realized how the sense of surviving makes him mature. I hated mainlanders before for their attitudes who are always obsessed in something. They stick to their missions in studying or in anything they do in life. But now, I guess culture and environment makes us different. For whatever reason, that's who we really are. n I was awaken by that. as much as I have been living my way as IZULMAN that people used to have in their minds before, that's what I should be now n forever. Sometimes, we just don't realise how we affect others just by changing ourselves. We even hurt ourselves too.

This is a story of L.I.E

It would be one of the greatest moments in life when people achieve, what they have been dreaming for no matter what it is. But, usually, as people pursue dream and achieve it, they tend to forget what would have waited for them after the achieve the dream. Seems like people will start to lose direction or even to be overshadowed by the fulfillment.

I have achieved my dream. A childhood dream to further studies overseas. surprisingly, I have craved my path since I was young to make sure I would get this dream fulfilled. Nevertheless, I did not put in my calculations what would I have faced the days onwards after I achieved my dream.

It was a myth to me before. How I still remember a story in the Malay Literature about a girl, studying overseas, someone falls in love with her, cultural, religion and all obligations she has to face, she continues to face the obstacles being a stranger in a new world.

Let it be A, B and C. Yup, falling in love is normal and as time goes by, it would sometimes fade. Taken away by the wind. Almost 2 years in a 'new world', it is actually the most astounding change in my life. How it greatly affects my entire life. Not only by being in different place where I never thought to be before, but its also because of new people that I meet. How this journey has greatly expanded my horizon. n I met them, n I met C.

Yeh.. Who cared about being in this complicated situation anyway. I fell in love with B before, nothing much happen.. Just goes by like because people r different and have different preferences. Can't blame anyone. But this time, I felt the affection. C has so much to offer me. The type of person I have been looking for, where just there to support you and by seeing a person like C, can just cheer u up. Until that night where I made myself clear about any difficulties I have to face. Any obligation and situation that I myself wouldn't have expected to face. EVER. in life. Seems like I broke people's heart including myself for greater goods.

Until sometimes, I found myself to be lingering around just to feel so empty. A is always there though. Laughing with me since the years we met, as early as 13 years old I've known A, we have been very good friends. Comfortable enough to talk to each other. Separated by distance and time, but still having same way of life. A knows me as much as I know myself. It's different than B. I liked B for no reason, but it might be a stage that we forgo made us disconnected with each other. Oh maybe because we live in different world. I'm a village boy, B is a city girl. I live in almost to the south, B lives almost to the North. Cant be having same language I guess.

I am relieved now that I'm not obliged to anyone. But as time goes by, I will still some days be thinking about how 'empowering' my journey is. To meet such a person like C, totally imaginary in my life before, to learn C's language, how content C is to life, and how C is just there for u, no matter what happens. Maybe this is faith? To meet someone u r really fond to and feel connected, but separated by culture, religion, and perceptions? Sounds like a movie.

As usual, at the end of human's life, people tend to make the most surprising decisions in life. n I found this meaningful quote:

At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing, where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, is usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them, the people that are still with you at the end of the day - those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need.
- Meredith Grey -

n people tend to make the most surprising decisions in life. MOST SURPRISING. What is there for me? I wanna know as much as you do.

Story of a Life
Izul~

Mirror of My life..

Never intended to share my normal life, but maybe by exploring the feelings through words will be more substantial for me and for others to ponder.

This week started well enough as I got chance to attend a very interesting debate entitled "A guide to Humanity: In the Quran or New Testament". The debate was about explaining how each holy book could represent the whole concepts of humanity and which one is better to be a reference to guide humans in this world. The speaker of Christianity came from US, which arguably, one of the most prominent scholars in the field. The interesting outcome was, Christians and Muslims could sit together and enjoyed the debate while having some inputs to learn. In fact, I could differentiate between the Quran n New testament as the Quran is complete with spiritual and physical(world) aspects while New Testament only considers the spiritual aspects. With no doubt, the speaker of Muslims clearly outlined how the Quran could be used as a guidance to answer problems such as Abortion, Economic recessions, Poverty, Obesity and some other contemporary issues. It in fact, gives valuable knowledge on how the Quran could guide us, but also to have same knowledge bout New Testament and relationship with Christians. It is not a new thing as my best friend in uni is a Christian.

Day by day this week went on so fast. But, within the time frame many things have I encountered and felt about deeply. I met some new people to talk to. To learn on how they behave. I met some Koreans, Christopher Noel, Phillip Kim, Diana Kim, n Tea Eau. All them have different stories. Like Chris, he was born in US, raise up in Korea for 12 years n came to Australia. What a journey has he had in life. Diana n Tea Eau, I meet them every week now since I met them. They r nice, esp Diana as she was in my Business in The Global Environment (CISS2001) subject last semester. New semester, new friends, new moments.

I attended the Beta Alpha Psi Induction Ceremony on Wednesday night, 19th August 2009. This was the second time I wore the suit provided by JPA when I first wanted to come here. During the event I got chance to meet the high achievers in Business and Economic Faculty. I also had chance to talk to the Associate Dean for Undergraduate , Professor Tyrone M Carlin. He was nice. During the certificate ceremony, he talked to me on the stage, congratulating me for the achievement and went back to me after the induction to have a chat. It was cool.

Week 4 in uni, everyone has started to feel the heat. Many assessments are starting to pile up. It sometimes gives depressing moments. Andy messaged me on MSN, saying how stress he was this semester. I could see from his face when we were having Management Acct B class yesterday. With his innocent look, I could see the unsettled feelings he had. I know he tries hard for the reason that he holds as the eldest in his family and for the sake of his responsibility to his parents. He doesn't come from rich family. To know him crying in first year when he failed Microeconomics (ECON1001), expressing how sad he was to break his parents' hearts. I felt astounded. Seeing his determination, I'm more than connected to him to help him as much as I could. I may not be able to help people with money, but at least, with the knowledge and the ability I was honoured by God. Just to see him smiling, n his parents look upon him proudly, I could feel the satisfaction flowing.

Jasmine has similar story. But recently, she has been more clueless than anyone else. When I asked her, she said, stress with uni and family issues. But, hearing her tone, I could feel that her family issue is what has been bugging her this semester. I rarely talk to her now. She was saying about her mum nagging her to find a bf. Then, she made a "virtual bf" to satisfy her mum. Someone who never exists. But, I don't think that's what bothers her. I just hope she's fine.

Journeys in life are differently shaped. Everyone has their own missions. To go there, people took different paths and have to endure obstacles in life. I could still remember how Alan decided to go for an exchange to the US after he broke up. this week, I found her ex-gf sitting with me in a team project in Information System 2001. Nevertheless, I'm sure Alan is doing fine in Ohio. Forgetting is easier in a new environment especially when u don't see the person u want to forget.

As I walked through the path behind uni to go for my gym session, I could feel how strong me feeling is on my family. Oh, maybe I've missed them and the single moments I had with the surroundings. And suddenly, Sydney became a strange place to me. Even though 1.5 years have I been here, the great village style that I was raised up, never was it replaced by any other moment. My sister email-ed me saying that she dreamt bout me last week and she was concerned. I dreamt bout her too. Maybe the strong bond that we have created the connection. n when I felt so down last night, my lil' sis message me saying how much my mum misses me. Yeh, I miss them too.. The path that I went through the night, was a depiction of autumn with cold winter breeze. The naked trees with no leaves and only branches left, with some splash of light sometimes along the road, it made the most calm moment in my life here.

Sometimes, hard decisions have to be made in life. Even though it's painful, but for the sake of brighter future, it's somehow necessary. Last time I opened facebook, and a junior was posting something along the line, "which one you are willing to live with, a painful truth or a happy lie..?".

Maybe coz I have been leading this life pretending, I have started to sense how fake and vague the happiness is. Till last night when I had to decide what I should have decided the first day we met. It was a breezy night after I attended United Nation (UN) society event. Mini motion about "Empowering Education in Developing Countries". discussion about shooting star took place, until the end when we were left in silent. At the end of the road, that's the end of everything. Yeh, it hurts to hurt someone, more than we thought we could bear. n till now I feel hurt to hurt someone in my life, someone I do care. But sometimes, there r things we won't understand much, and keep living in the illusion even though we realise the painful truth.


May time lead to new happiness. For me, for u, for Andy, for Jasmine, For Alan, and for whoever feels down in their lives. May we encounter another strength in life that could make us feel better.

Salam Ramadhan~

Bila Izul main masak-masak.. (UPDATED)

Ha.. dh decide dh, kalau pasni masak ape2x, cam nak post kt sni la.. ok gk ade kenangan gambar2x tue.. Anyhow, tak pndai adobe, tau letak name je. haha~





Recipe of The Day : Fish Assam Pedas



Ingredients:
3 leatherjacket fish (1/2 pound to 1 pound)
[May use other fish like Pomfret, Barramundi, or Catfish]

10 small okras
1 tomato (cut into wedges)
1 teaspoon of fish curry powder/turmeric powder
2 springs of daun kesum (Vietnamese mint/Vietnames coriander)
5 tablespoons of cooking oil
1 tablespoon of palm sugar/sugar
Salt to taste

Spice Paste:

1 clove garlic
1 stalk of lemon grass (white part only)
4 shallots
8-10 dried chillies (depends how spicy you like)
1/2 tablespoon of belacan (prawn paste)

Tamarind Juice
1 1/4 cup of water
Tamarind pulp (size of a small ping pong ball)

Method:
1. Pound the spice paste with mortar and pestle or grind them in a food processor. Set aside.
2. Soak the tamarind pulp in warm water for 15 minutes. Squeeze the tamarind pulp constantly to extract the flavor into the water. Drain the pulp and save the tamarind juice.
3. Heat oil and fry the spice paste for 2 minutes or until fragrant.
4. Add the tamarind juice, fish curry powder/turmeric powder and bring to boil.
5. Add the tomato wedges and okras and bring to boil.
6. Add the fish, salt, and palm sugar/sugar.
7. Simmer on low heat for 5 minutes or until the fish is cooked.
8. Serve hot.

SeLamat MencuBa! ^^